For the most part I have friends that are supportive however there are also those who like to give their opinion without knowing all of the facts. Some people only see the mom who is pushing forward, driving her Littles to school and activities, volunteering at the bare minimum & attending events to support her children. These are the people who seem to talk the most and share their opinion of my situation.
I suppose I should be flattered that I’m so interesting that my life is the topic on so many lips. Although I prefer not to engage, as my time is rather valuable, I would like to enlighten you a little on my quality of life… or lack of.
Let’s start with my morning, which included me crawling out of bed, where I hardly slept because I was so extremely uncomfortable. I made it to the bathroom and proceeded to get some clothing on so I could get the littles up for school. No sooner did they start moving that I found myself struggling to make it back to the bathroom floor where I gave up what little hydration was left and then forced myself to drive them to class. I haven’t made it into the office in almost 2 weeks because my body just doesn’t want to cooperate, and today was no different. As I attempted to drive home to my safe haven I had to pull over for fear of getting sick in the car. I sat in the parking lot of a little restaurant watching people go in, smiling and enjoying each others company while I did my best to avoid letting go in the front seat.
This isnt an unusual day, as it seems to be my new way of life. The past few months have been filled with nausea, vomiting, loss of voice & sore joints ( sometimes to the point that movement brings tears). There are days when I can’t allow my children to hug me because their touch makes me wince in pain and nights when the sheets are even bother some against my skin. Best part is there are things that I’m still learning, such as not to over brush my hair because it causes inflammation of the scalp which in turn leaves me in pain for days and unable to even lay my head on a pillow.
Ahh but one of my very favorites is what I can only refer to as bee stings. It happens at any time without notice and feels like a bee has stung me. Sometimes in the foot, sometimes in the leg or even in the eye. I’m told it’s from the neuropathy and it’s basically nerves that are misfiring. At times it can also feel like water droplets running down my leg until I reach down and realize that my skin is dry. It’s an interesting condition that keeps you wondering.
These are just a few of the obstacles I’ve been facing on top of depression, due to my new found inability to do many of the things I once enjoyed. It hurts my heart not to be able to take my little ones to events that we once enjoyed, because I can no longer regulate my body temperature. Driving for long distances involves bringing another adult to take over when my knees start to cramp up or my hands will no longer a grip the wheel. Even trips to places that involve walking are limited unless there is a wheelchair or scooter available.
I can say that I haven’t use my cane in about a month so that is one positive that I will focus on (because everyone needs something right). My goal right now is to make it through the summer and the upcoming events and just hope for the best.
So this little insight on how my life really is, is just a sample. I know that many only see what they want or what I allow, and that may be the only control that I have left. Just know that I’m doing the best I can and that I don’t wish this on anyone, not even your judgmental, opinionated, uncaring self. I guess the best part about all of this is that you truly get to know who is genuine and deserves to be a part of your life..: